Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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