He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
