So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
