wat bout pragnant strippers??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
