my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
