I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
