I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Farmville is her only friend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
