I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
