I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
