At least make sure they are 18
Why
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
