Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
