goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
