Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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