Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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