mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
