Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
