I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
