i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
