I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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