goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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