How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
