Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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