Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
