based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
