I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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