I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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