I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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