just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
