I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She bit a glass in half.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
