He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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