tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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