He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
