Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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