it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
