just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
