he was CRYING into my vagina
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
