i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
