Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
