so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
