I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
