I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
