So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
