He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
