He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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