mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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