Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
