I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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