Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
