well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
