East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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